INT. WARD'S BEDROOM - DAY TITLE SEQUENCE The opening credits roll as pages of penciled sketches reveal a beautiful woman. Each the same woman. Each is dated from "78 to 1985. n each is printed "Kelly" and the initials "WL" The signature of the artist.On occasion we see a male or female character shift into a dual identity. Each of them conforming into a recognizable super-hero, e.g. Clark Kent to Superman, Barbara Gordon to Batgirl, Peter Parker to Spiderman. Around the dimly lit bedroom there are sketches everywhere. They are on the walls and scattered about a desk. Among them are yet more pictures of beautiful full bodied women. On the nightstand a clock radio flashes 12:00. A neon phone RINGS. A lump stirs in the bed. The phone RINGS again, A hand darts out from under the covers and frantically searches for the receiver. Once it's found and pulled under the covers, we hear a voice say: WARD (V.O) Hello? Hello Luthor.. Do I know what time it is? The lump throws back the covers. Meet WARD LATTERMAN, a twenty eight year old, blonde blue eyed, less than impressive example of the American male. He is dressed in a pair of boxers only. WARD No Luthor, what time is it? He bolts up in bed and grabs the clock from his nightstand. WARD (continuing) What? You lied! He throws the clock across the room and breaks a shaving mirror on the bureau. From the time the clock leaves his hand, it seems to move in slow motion. WARD (continuing) No Luthor.. What? Don't talk to me like that. Let me remind you I'm your superior! I made you Luthor, I can break you! I know the graveyard shift is long enough! Just stay and help Petra until I get there. (pause) Yes Luthor, overtime, I know, I know. I'll be there soon. Good bye. Ward drops the phone while struggling to put on his clothes. Suddenly a thought strikes him and he quickly picks up the phone again. WARD (continuing) Luthor, don't bend the grill! He hangs up and continues to dress through his apartment to the kitchen. INT. WARD'S KITCHEN - DAY The light snaps on and we see an unusable bachelor's kitchen. The Frugal Gourmet's worst nightmare. Ward's most prized possessions are the coffee maker and can opener. WARD Ah coffee... only have time for half a cup. Ward pours a cup of coffee, he puts that same cup back on the heating element and runs out of the kitchen with the coffee- pot in his hand. EXT. WARD'S DUPLEX - DAY Ward steps outside and checks to make sure the door is locked behind him. He rushes to the mailbox at edge of the drive way. He removes the mail and puts the coffee pot into the mail box. Ward stands in front of his garage door trying to open it with a faulty remote. He bangs the remote a few times and finally the door begins to lift open. MARY ROBERTS steps out to check her mail. Mary is thirtyish. A tall, stately brunette. A woman of the nineties, she deals in real estate and owns both units outright. Mary Roberts' apartment is the mirror image of Ward's. Duplex- like, the two units face each other and join at the garages. The only noticeable differences are the splashes of yellow from flowers growing in window boxes of Mary's neatly painted apartment. Ward notices Mary, and his mood changes for the better. WARD (cheery) Hi Mary. Mary sees Ward and quickly tries to step into her apartment but the screen door has closed. She has trouble opening it. Ward steps over to help her. WARD (continuing) Having trouble? MARY No trouble, Ward, it's just stuck. WARD Your latch seems to be stuck... He barely jiggles the handle when suddenly it falls apart in his hands. He holds the parts out for her to see. WARD (continuing) You see, your latch wasn't secured properly. Mary glares at Ward and a low GROWL is heard. Ward looks down and sees ROCKY on the other side of the door. Rocky is a white boxer. He is slowly revealed as the door opens. Rocky takes one good look at Ward and his ears drop back while his growl becomes more menacing. Ward turns and runs for his garage. He drops the mail, the door parts and his remote. The garage door starts closing in front of him and he can feel Rocky hot on his tail. Three feet from closing, Ward makes it under the door just before it slams shut, Rocky slides in behind him. Mary walks up, mail and remote in hand. MARY Rocky? INT. WARD'S GARAGE - DAY Ward is tightly mashed between his car and the door. MARY (V.O) Ward? Are you all right? WARD Sorry about your door, Mary. Would you call off your dog? Rocky BARKS, Ward's expression changes to surprised pain. Mary opens the door and Rocky trots out with a piece of black material between his jaws. Ward clings to the underside of the door as it rises. His torn pant leg swings in the breeze. Mary tosses Ward's mail and his garage door remote onto the ground. MARY There's your mail, Ward. POV - WARD Still clinging to the door, he watches Mary and Rocky head back to their apartment. Rocky stops and AUDIBLY SPITS out the shredded piece, then catches up to Mary. WARD Thanks, Mary. Have a nice day. EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - O'DANIEL'S RESTAURANT - DAY Reminiscent of the old "Jack in the Box" design. It's a box with a Leprachaun perched on top. There are drive thru and walk up services with no indoor dining. Lovely fiberglass tables line one side of the walk up window. Most fast food restaurants of its time have been re-modeled for design and convenience, O'Daniels stands as a beacon to the tacky reputation fast food deserves. INT/EXT. O'DANIELS DRIVE UP WINDOW - DAY PETRA is taking a drive-through order. She is a mature, good looking woman from Russia. She is competent and couraraging. We hear an order being given. EDDIE (V.O) I would like the corned beef BREAKFAST BLARNEY SCONE, and a large cup of coffee. That's all. PETRA That will be $2.37. Thank you. Luthor! A corned beef breakfast scone. Petra fills the order. First the coffee, then as she passes the warming bin, a freshly wrapped food item slides her way. Without missing a beat, she scoops it up and continues toward the window. She arrives the same time as the customer does. EDDIE, the mailman sits in his truck. He is grey haired, with a big bushy mustache and a twinkle in his eye. Nice tan, good shape. They exchange food, money and mail. PETRA (continuing) Good morning, mailman Eddie. EDDIE Good morning Petra, my Pravda Prima Donna. PETRA When did I tell you I danced with the Bolshoi Ballet? EDDIE You didn't. But why not let me take you back to Russia and we shall trip the light fantastic through a six month Siberian winter night. PETRA I've been to Siberia, you wouldn't like it. Ward enters behind Petra. He still seems rushed. EDDIE Morning Ward. PETRA Good morning, Mr. Latterman. WARD Hi, Petra. Morning, Eddie. Petra hands Ward the bundle of mail. EDDIE Before I go, how about this, a bottle of vodka, a jacuzzi of borscht and thou. WARD I'm sorry Eddie, I don't drink vodka. Ward realizes he wasn't being spoken to, he looks up into the eyes of both Petra and Eddie. WARD (continuing) Oh... you weren't talking to me. Petra looks at Eddie. PETRA I'm sorry, I don't like borscht. Goodbye Mailman Eddie. See you tomorrow. EDDIE Rain or shine, my little babushka, rain or shine. Eddie drives off. Petra turns her attention to Ward, who seems to have found something disturbing in the mail. PETRA You look so serious. WARD Petra,let me read something to you. It's from the home office in Hibbing, Minnesota. PETRA Is there trouble? WARD Tell me what you think. (reading) Please be advised the Southwest Regional Senior Vice President will be in your area the week-end of Friday, the 13th. Make available, Monday morning, the 16th, for a meeting concerning the imminent future of your store and its employees. Ward looks at Petra with an air of uncertainty. PETRA If you are asking me, the Senior Vice President is coming here to give you a medal. Petra has picked up the rest of the mail and is riffling through it. WARD I wish I was that optimistic. Senior Vice Presidents don't show up unless there is impending doom. We passed our inspection this month. PETRA Maybe this is a surprise inspection. WARD I don't like surprises. What could it be? PETRA Don't worry, Mr. Latterman. Surprise or not, you keep our store way above company standards. WARD You're right Petra. We do keep it tidy. It's clean enough in here to eat off of the floor. PETRA Luthor! Something for Mr. Latterman to eat off the floor. Luthor extends a spatula into the warming bin, an O'Daniels food item rests on it. LUTHOR is O'Daniel's (maybe the world's) fastest fry cook. We only ever see him from the wrist down in the warming bin. Luthor flips it into the air and it spins uncontrollably toward Ward and Petra, landing on the floor between them. They look at the food, then each other. WARD What is that? PETRA Luthor is trying something new. It is a boiled cabbage and potato fajita. WARD (to Petra) Does it come with sauce? From off camera Luthor squirts sauce at Ward, it hits the front of his shirt. Ward looks at his shirt, then at Luthor. WARD (continuing) You're still mad about this morning, aren't you? Well? Give me something to clean this up. A towel zings across frame and hits Ward in the face. He pulls it off and casts a disgusted look at Luthor, then bends down to clean up the mess. Meanwhile Petra is still sorting the mail when she comes across something unusual. She sets the rest aside and opens the letter. PETRA So, you got a class reunion coming up? Ward stands up into the frame rather suddenly. WARD I do? PETRA Yes. They had a hard time finding you. It says here that the graduating class of 1985 is reuniting on the 14th. That's tomorrow. Ward snatches the letter away from her and reads it for himself. WARD It's been 10 years? Time to relive old high school nightmares. PETRA You don't want to go? WARD I don't think so. He crumples the letter, and throws it in the trash. A BELL sounds from the drive-up window. Petra takes the order. PETRA Welcome to O'Daniels. May I take your order? KID ON INTERCOM (V.O) I'd like a tongue sandwich to go please. PETRA OK, how do you want it to go? KID ON INTERCOM (V.O) Ttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhppppppppppp (raspberry) Ward jumps in nudging Petra out of the way. He yells into the intercom. WARD Alright you kids stop playing with the Leprachaun! Get to school! Finish your education! While Ward is dealing with the hooligans, Petra pulls the invitation out of the trash, straightens it out, and slyly slips it into the pocket of her smock. PETRA Petra thinks you miss something. WARD You can't miss something you never had. PETRA Your class reunion. Petra thinks you want to go. WARD There is someone I'd like to see... but... naw... she probably doesn't... PETRA She is someone you see with your heart? WARD (Snaps back to reality.) She who? Heart? Me? Who said anything about Kelly Osterman.. the only girl I ever loved. PETRA You never told her how you feel? WARD I almost did, at the senior prom. PETRA What happened? WARD Her boyfriend, Rick, happened. He happened to be born, to grow up, and just happened to go to the same high school I did. PETRA Why didn't you fight for your lady love? WARD He also happened to be twice my size. I would just as soon forget him as fight him. PETRA What about Kelly Osterman? WARD Her, I will never forget.